Pain in the Head

 I’ve noticed a trend in both family and friends.  The more you are honest about how you are feeling and discussing your ailments, the less people care about them.  It’s almost a paradox - the people you love are supposed to help you through things like pain, sickness, etc.  However, they can be easily overburdened by your chronic syndromes.

My stomach has been pretty wonky since I was 19.  I started taking Pepcid when it first came out on the market and it helped for a while.  It eventually stopped working and I had to make my way up to proton pump inhibitors.  Nexium seems to be “the one” that just works.  Unfortunately, my new employer/insurance doesn’t cover the purple pill.  Protonix just came out with a generic but it’s not the best.  So, the GERD and hiatal hernia have been ruining my life.  Drinking hot tea helps calm it down but ultimately my weight (which is going down) and drinking soda are the primary factors. 

I’m babbling.  My point is, it’s a fine line you have to walk/balance on to keep your family from being numb.  I think we too easily forget we can suck it up for a while, if we’re actively trying to prevent accessing migraine triggers, bad foods for our heads and stomachs, etc.  Part of me says screw off, if you don’t like it then you can kiss my ass.  The other part of me says that it’s hard enough for me going through it and I should use my external help wisely.

Part of the other issue that I’ve discussed before is both the migraines and GERD are internal things.  A little red light doesn’t start blinking on your forehead to confirm you’re ill.  (Although, I think sometimes we see blinking lights as an aura.)  You know people, even your close friends, do think you’re either overreacting or acting in general if you get symptoms frequently.

Do I show the pain, or just mask it with a smile?

Over the past few weeks I’ve considered going back to my neurologist for a tune-up. The frequency and duration of my headaches has been anything but consistent the past 18 months. I can go a week without any pain and then have a 7-day span that feels like the world is ending and I’ll never be without the headaches. I’m just not quite sure what good is going to come out of seeing him again.

I’ve been on Topamax, Depakote, verapamil, triptans, melatonin, indomethacin, celebrex to name a few. None of them really worked. Is that strange? I’m not willing to stay on any more anti-seizure medications. I was not myself on Topamax and I’ve realized I’m probably better off not screwing with my neurotransmitters if I don’t have to. Ultimately, coming back to Tylenol and ibuprofen has proven more effective than any $50/month medication.

I’m not expecting some new miracle cure that developed in the past year to fix it all for me. I think at least I’d like to get another MRI done for comparison to the two others I’ve had. While I’ve been assured that nothing like a tumor or clot is responsible for the pain, I’d like to stay up on it. Maybe some day I’ll make a mobile made up of brain scans. I think that would be pretty.